True Love is a Thing

I was raised more or less like most little girls in that I loved Disney movies so I grew up with a highly romanticized understanding of true love. My experiences dating in the real world changed this view, of course, but as I am a practical person, I wasn't too shocked by the dating culture of the time. However, as I have yet to experience some unbelievably handsome guy on his magnificent steed carrying me off into the sunset, I must admit that there was definitely a bridge to gap.

The relationships that I experienced led me to understand that it is a fairly common thing for people to be traumatized by some aspects of their upbringing, and to have some needs that they have lacked which they will then be driven to find in future relationships, sometimes without being aware they are doing so. I am certainly not exempt from this phenomenon myself because I spent twenty of my most formative years in a cult. It seems the need to manipulate in some fashion is pretty widespread. I have always found that when I took the time to understand my counterpart in a relationship, the reasons for manipulative behavior totally made sense. However, it also made me wonder if there was really such a thing as true love. To me, true love means a relationship where the partners are equal in every sense, and there is no manipulation occurring because there is no manipulation needed as both partners feel fully validated and supported in their roles. I've only witnessed such a relationship up close once in all my years and it was truly noteworthy.

I was staying at a friend's airbnb in Northern California. The pleasant sound of happy bantering met me as I entered the communal kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee. I noticed a married couple that looked to be somewhere in their late 50's or early 60's making breakfast together; he was cooking eggs on the stove and she was making coffee with a coffee press. They were chatting to each other and the conversation went something like this:

"Hmm. I think I made the coffee really strong. Should I make more?"

"No, I need a strong cup of coffee today, I woke up a few times last night. Um, I think I cooked these eggs a little too long on this stove. Do you still want them?"

"Sure, don't worry, I saw some salsa in the fridge. We could spice them up a little. Want to?"

"Sure! That sounds great! Let's eat."

They ate together, washed the dishes together, and walked hand-in-hand to their cabin. I watched in awe because during such a simple act as cooking breakfast together, I witnessed the two of them display a total respect for one another; they supported one other, they gave their total attention to one another with no interrupting and no-one trying to dominate the conversation, and they allowed each other to be human and make mistakes without guilt-tripping. In fact, they were totally open to allowing the experience to be what it was and simply adjusted accordingly. No blame game. And no co-dependency there. Both of them looked very happy. In fact, some time later I had a conversation with the lady and she was so obviously fulfilled and empowered, I could just see it in her entire bearing. Talking to her briefly was validating. In fact, I will never forget that conversation.

"So, where are you folks headed?" she asked me.

"Well, if I'm being honest, we just experienced a no-fault eviction and we're still trying to figure out what to do now. But I think we are going to avoid renting for a bit until we work things out."

She smiled warmly at me and her eyes twinkled. "Good for you! Our lives improved tremendously when we decided to just 'go with the flow.' I hope you find a much better situation for your family."

Wow, I thought. She made me look at my situation totally differently. Suddenly, I started looking at the possibilities instead of being the victim to my experience. It's hard to describe how very validating that was at that moment in my life.

She told me she had to go and help her husband pack. They were moving on to the next adventure together and I could see she relished that fact.

As I watched them walk away a short time later, hand-in-hand again, I could not help but think to myself that I had just witnessed the finest example of the divine feminine and masculine working together within a perfect partnership during the most commonplace of everyday situations. And that, my friends, is true love. It is a thing to which I aspire.